Let’s Talk about Break Ups!

So, I started thinking that I should write this blog a few days ago, but didn’t have time to get to it until today. And in those few days the more I thought about the content of this post, the more I laughed.

So, let’s talk about break ups…

The first time I was broken up with, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I WAS DATING THE DUDE! Remember AIM? Remember when you would be on it and the person who you had a crush on, their name would come up and you would get all excited and wait to see if they sent you a message? No? Just me? Whatever.

I would get butterflies in my stomach when his name showed up. I had a crush on Ryan from 6th grade until freshman year of high school. We called him Riff Raff in our notes so he wouldn’t know we were talking about him. Well, homeboy started dating this chick in 8th grade and that fiasco went off and on forever, you know how it is in high school. You are just so in lurveeee you can’t stay away. Anyways, we talked on AIM and apparently somewhere in that conversation he asked me out. I was oblivious. We sat at the same lunch table and I saw him 2 days in a row. And then he broke up with me to go back out with his ex. On AIM. And I was all…

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BECAUSE I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WE WERE AN ITEM UNTIL AFTER IT WAS OVER. Blasphemy. It is also important to know that this was my first relationship. I was doomed from the start…

Fast forward to Sophomore year of high school when I dated Sean for 11 days, which he later denied to someone. I am attracted to winners. Once I asked him if he wanted to go get hotdogs. He told me that wasn’t his idea of fun. I was all…

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And I mean read because again, this happened on AIM. AIM ruins life. Then he broke up with me. Probably on AIM. (I say probably, but it definitely was.)

Fast forward to Junior year of high school and the start of my tumultuous relationship with Zach. (For this record, I am pretty much over this, but it happened, and I get to blog about. Swifted again!)

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Anywho, the first time he broke up with me was for his ex girlfriend. And I was all…

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But then he made me a hot ham and cheese sandwich for my birthday and it was cool. There were lots of break ups with this one, so we will just skip to the best 2. The first was via a song. And not even the lyrics. Just the name of the song. Jenna, Baby Blue. A meme cannot accurately describe that one. I was all, seriously dude. You can’t even say the lyrics to me? Just the name of the song. I mean, yeah, I am familiar with the song, but shit at least quote it to me. For the record here is the song. You can skip to 1:59

Classssssssy. The next one was even better. The gang and I took a road trip to see the Academy Is… all the way in Wisconsin. For those of you who don’t know, I am from Indiana and this trip was 6 hours long. He went to school in Valpo, which is 4 hours from Wisconsin. We all stayed the night in a hotel and went out and hung with the bands until late at night. Then when we got back to the hotel, we fought, AND HE BROKE UP WITH ME. And then we had to drive him home…

4 hours. In a car. With  my ex. Who just broke up with me. And all my friends. WORST.DAY.EVER. Until we went to the cheese shop. Cheese always makes things better.

Fast forward to junior year of College. I was dating Phil and then moved to Chicago for a summer to intern with a record company. I was stoked for him to come visit me and hang out. And then 40 days until his visit (oh, I remember details when they aren’t directly related to anything important) he “broke up with me”. (Technically we weren’t official, except for one night and then I woke up in the morning and freaked out and took it back…my bad. You can add me to your list.) Anyways, I found out when I got back to Indy and work (one reason I will never date anyone I work with ever again…unless I get a job on the Voice or the Maroon 5 tour. What up Adam Levine?) that he had started to date someone else he worked with. I just assume this is because he needed a ride to work…

And I was all…

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So those are the best break up stories I have. I think you should top them though. I laugh about them now and how ridiculous people can be, but at the time they cut me real deep.

Sorry if you got mentioned, but not sorry enough not to write this. Also, just because…

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He can break up with me however and whenever he wants, as long as we get to make sweet sweet love first.

2 thoughts on “Let’s Talk about Break Ups!

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