Say Goodbye to your Childhood Memories: The End of an Era

So my mom called me today with what she thought was exciting news. She said, “Hey Jenna, guess what?” to which I responded, “You’re pregnant?” See, that’s funny because it is pretty much physically impossible. Then she said, “We bought a house in Albion” (or somewhere in that area that NO ONE EVER WANTS TO GO OR KNOWS WHERE IT IS). To which I responded, “That’s stupid”. And then she spouted off some other information for about 3 minutes before I told her I was annoyed and hanging up. Yes, I am fully aware that I am a jerk but look at it from my point of view; My house was the house. You didn’t knock when you came over you just opened the door and walked on in. I was already planning a bon fire and pool party when I came home in August. She told me I couldn’t be attached to a house…da fuq?!

This is like, the worst news ever. As you can tell, I haven’t experienced a lot of tragedy in my life. Getting my car broken into and all of my CDs stolen was pretty traumatic but I haven’t been faced with anything TRULY tragic.

I told Archana and this was her response…


My mom also likes Archana more than me so I forwarded her this message in hopes that Archana’s despair might sway her. Wahhh. So let’s talk about why I will miss this house.

1. This is the most important reason at this juncture in my life. My parents own a bar. It is walkable from their house. I drink for free. These all add up to the perfect night. I told my mom she will never see me because I need to get drunk and I can’t drive a half hour. Come on Mom, this should be the number one reason you live in that house FOREVER.

2. Archana lives down the road when she comes home. Jesse lives down the road when he comes home. Jessi doesn’t live down the road when she comes home but her mom does. That is kind of like her, right? Everyone lives in that area and it is central and there is stuff to do (relatively speaking).

3. I have so many fond memories. So many parties from middle school to college. Graduations, pool parties, get drunk parties, bachelorette parties, birthday parties. (Way to be sexist computer. Bachelorette is a word).

4. The bar is down the road.

5. Memories of sneaking out weekly to hang out with my first boyfriend (bleck) who lives down the road, not that the latter part of this story means anything.

6. Memories of sneaking people in. Sorry mom. This is why you shouldn’t read my blog.

7. More memories of sneaking out with Jessi and wandering the neighborhoods down the road with booze to meet friends (seriously Mom. You shouldn’t read my blog.) We were good kids I promise.


9. I love that damn pool. I was just telling Ash Ketchum that I get sad when I don’t have a pool because I had one growing up and it was awesome. I would live underwater if it was physically possible. Like, if they develop the technology to give people gills, I will be first in line.

10. I just have so many memories. The awesome treehouse, the trampoline, the meeting point for so many road trips, playing board games, watching movies, eating Harry Potter every flavor beans, my sister running a broom through my door when she was mad, kicking a hole in the wall when I was mad, Jesse’s naked kartwheel in the front yard, playing Mortal Kombat in the basement when it rained during my graduation party, watching Incubus’ Alive at Red Rocks in the basement, when my cousins lived with us and we would play Rock Band…in the basement. THE BASEMENT. Ugh.

I remember being in 5th grade and protesting the move from our first house to this one. I was going to stay behind and live on Eby FOREVER! But who cares about those memories. Nothing exciting happens before middle school. Yah my parents got divorced and I got a new brother while I lived there, but no one cares about that. This was/is the house that has essentially  been home for 16 years. Now I will have no literal home anywhere. Man mom, don’t you ever think about me? I mean, clearly this move has the biggest impact on me. I live across the country and am 26 years old. I think you should have consulted me first.

Seriously though, someone I know should buy this house. It’s great. BUY IT. Or I should go old school sitcom style and sneak back home and when anyone comes to look at it pretend that I am a ghost and that it is haunted. I bet that will work.

Every memory I have from high school is attached to that house even if it didn’t happen in it. If something good happened I would go home happy and think about it. If something bad happened I would go home, crawl in my bed, and cry. I am super sentimental and I want to wrap my arms around that glorious home of mine and keep it forever. Yes, I know that 30 minutes away isn’t REALLY a big deal. But it won’t be the same as it has been for the last 8 years when I come to Fort Wayne (because I will have to go Albion) to visit. It won’t really feel like “coming home”.

Anyone want to loan me like $100,000?

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