There is a Reason Self Deprecating Sounds like Self Defecating

You shit all over yourself in both…(I JUST THOUGHT OF THAT!)

So, I am going to start this post by acknowledging that I have a hobby…BLOGGING. Ha ha! (And that is a laugh of discovery, not of humor). Now on to the things of semi-substance.

We as humans put ourselves in such stupid situations. And I am not just talking about getting in cars with strangers who then take us to their basements and lock us up for years, but I will say that sometimes I am surprised I have made it 26 years without being locked in a basement. I have made some questionable decisions.

We plan out our lives. Do you know how many people I have heard say something similar to, “I thought by the time I was 30 I would have a wife/husband and kids…” Why would you do that to yourself? You are setting yourself up for failure. So what if you aren’t married? Guess what homie…you don’t have to be married or even be with someone to have meaning in your life. I know, mind blown right?!


I don’t know why society has engrained in so many people, especially in that crazy Midwest area that they have to be married by the time they are 23 or they are going to be spinsters. I have learned SOOOOO much about myself in the last 3 months because I have had time and made the effort to be alone. I will admit that there is a part of me that is scared of being alone forever. But that is what dogs are for. And so what? It is better than being with someone I don’t completely like or chasing after someone who doesn’t completely like me.

So stop whining about not being married by 30 and go to Europe. Bungee jump. Do something really stupid that you won’t be able to do in good conscience when you are responsible for other human lives.

Now, it’s not just the whole “I am not such and such but the time I am such such age” that gets me. I can honestly say I have just always thought that I would get married at some point in my life but never had a time frame. Maybe I won’t ever. Who knows. But I do know that I see myself short with the ole’ “Sorry I am not…” Like hypothetically speaking I meet a dude I am interested in. I might say something like “Sorry I am not super skinny” or “You might not like what I am working with under here…(points to shirt)”.

Pardon my language (I am trying to scale back on the vulgarity, so yes I know sometimes I curse a lot and a pardon isn’t really expected but work with me here and pretend I have some class) Fuck that. Fuck it. Sometimes I think my goal will be to go to the gym and get in shape. But I am a healthy weight. My BMI is healthy. My clothes fit and 75% of the time I like how I look and I can stand in front of the mirror naked and be like, alright. So why should I apologize for that? I have cellulite. I have some stretch marks in places probably, I break out. You can tell by looking at me I don’t have defined abs. My boobs are real so there’s that. Why should I have to apologize for any of that. If you are offended by it than that is your deal and you’re an asshole. I am a real lady who is not photoshopped. Who can work out regularly but would rather eat a double cheeseburger and 4 scoops of ice cream with her extra calories than twiddle my thumbs and wait for a certain number on a scale.

At some point, we all just need to be okay with where we are. We can want things, that is fine. But we should never have to apologize about who we are. If a dude says you need to work out after see you naked, drop him. He’s a douche. If you are single and 30 and you thought you’d have a family by now, enjoy the extra free time to do you. YOLO.  If you feel like you aren’t pretty enough, stop being so hard on yourself.

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