A 20-Something’s View on Society’s View on Marriage

“f I hadn’t made me, I’d have fallen apart by now
I won’t let them make me, It’s more than I can allow
So when I make me, I won’t be paper mache
And if I fuck me, I’ll fuck me my own way”

Just a little Incubus quote there for you. I feel like it is fitting because I am a little bit off. I think most people are but a lot pretend to be “normal” so they don’t get judged. I don’t really care anymore. I like being quirky. Mostly because it makes me happy to do things that make me happy. I like to walk down the street and talk to my dog like a human. I like to dance down the sidewalk and pretend like I am on stage singing whatever song is on my iPod. I like having an opinion, and get this, I like respecting others’ opinions. Through experience I have learned that doing things on my own has helped me figure out who I am and made me stronger. And you know what I don’t like? When people try to make me feel like shit, or my friends, for  not being in a relationship or not being married. Like I have some sort of disease or something else is wrong with me. So, just know that this isn’t directed toward anyone specifically. Kind of a letter to a society that is always trying to make us feel like there is something we need to change or be ashamed of.

Well, there are actually a lot of things wrong with me. But that’s not why I am single. I could still probably be in a relationship if I wanted too. But it wasn’t heading in a direction I liked and I think we both would have ended up unhappy. So, if you are allowed to look at me with and wonder why I am single at 26, then I am allowed to look at you and wonder why you are in a relationship and miserable.

I like to hang out with myself and by myself and with friends. Honestly, I get a little irritated and overwhelmed when I can’t have time to myself. And I have realized that in a relationship I still have hang out with friends but I unintentionally forget to do things just for me. And let’s face it, I love going up to strangers and chatting with them. I have met so many cool people, mostly dudes, that way. So, if you are allowed to judge me for being alone, than I am allowed to judge you for not being able to do anything on your own. It is okay to be your own person.

I am 26 years old. I have only really been on my own since like 23. I have lived away from home in a different city or state since I was 18, but that was for college so it kind of doesn’t count. Therefore, I have only had like 3 years to explore life and travel. THREE YEARS! That is nothing in the scheme of life. Yeah, I get that having a partner to move through life with can be exhilarating and can bring you closer together. But going things on your own can make you grow as a person and help you figure out what you want. So, if you want to feel sorry for me for being alone and having to travel to different countries and states by myself or with my best friend, then I can feel sorry for you for not being able to do that on your own or relying on your partner to go with you and not going if they don’t want to.

…and as an addendum to that: Yeah, your kids are cute and a family is a natural step after marriage and you can do whatever you want after they grow up.  But I want to get all that done before I settle down and maybe have a family. And maybe I never will. Who knows? But if you are allowed to tell me I am missing out by not having these things at the ripe age of 26, then I am allowed to inform you that your kids might grow up to be losers and never leave home. Or, they might go to grad school when they are in their mid twenties and be physically incapable of making enough money to support themselves…say goodbye to Europe and hello to paying for them to be alive.

I can go out whenever I want. I can travel whenever I want. I can be okay on my own. I can work on the shit that is wrong with me. So, if you think that I am unhappy, you are wrong. If you think that true happiness is being with someone else, I will argue with you against that, but I will let you hold whatever opinion you want. Just remember to keep it to yourself, because we don’t feel the way you think we do. Maybe we actually have chosen not to be with someone. Maybe we feel like we would have been settling one way or another with the people we have met. Maybe we have had issues in our past that were out of control that effect the way we see relationships. Maybe we just like adventure. Maybe we have life goals that we have decided to put first. It is our life and not yours and if you judge me for it I will throw it right back at you, because maybe I feel like you are the weird one.

Don’t try to set me up with any ole’ person on the street. Don’t pester me and ask me why I am not married. Don’t compare me to my friends and siblings. Everyone is different.

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