My Thoughts on Living Life

I suck at blogging lately. I suck at everything lately, mostly by choice. Working a lot just makes me a bum. I just want to go home and sit on a couch and watch tv and be a, well, I will say it again, a bum. But that is beside the point because here i am writing a blog.

I do not pretend to know anything about life. In fact, I have learned to stop planning for anything and let it come to me. I want to move to Cali and get a sweet job when school is over, but I am not going to worry about it until school is nearing it’s end. Old Jenna would have already been looking for the best places to live and jobs open now, which makes no sense, at least the latter part. There really is no point in worrying or planning super far ahead because shit happens. Good shit, bad shit, mediocre shit. It just happens. And it derails plans.
I have spent a lot of time worrying and losing happiness over things that I either had no control over or that never even happened. Things are going to happen or not happen regardless of me or anyone else worrying about them, so there’s no point. Stop worrying and start enjoying things more.

On that note, people always tell me to be careful. I never am. I never really have been. Where is being careful ever going to get me in life, except for AIDS free, which I am careful when it comes to that respect so don’t you fret. There will ALWAYS be someone who wants to weigh in on what you do with YOUR life. There will ALWAYS be someone who doesn’t support a decision you make. Forget them. They aren’t living your life and what is right for you  might not be right for them. I am re-dating an ex boyfriend who I credited with ruining my life. I NEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER (and yes, the emphasis on never is necessary) imagined I would even want to talk to ever again. Tell me it is dumb all you want. A. I don’t listen, and never really have listened to anyone when they tell me what not to do (in fact, it makes me want to do things even more) B. It makes me happy right now. I might not be around long enough in this life to becomes unhappy with the situation or it might keep making me happy. I think both of those are good reasons to act on things. You should never not do something because at some point it might end up not being as good as it started out. That is just dumb. I hate dumb things and dumb people so you should stay on my good side and give things that make you happy a chance. Unless it is meth, don’t give that a chance. That will inevitably end poorly for you.

Life seems long, but think of where you are already. It flies by. It is short. So I think that both me and you should grab onto things and people that make us happy. They might not always make us happy, but there will be some memories there that will always put a smile back on your face. And when people try to talk you out of that happiness, look them square in the eyes, poke them in the forehead, and just say “No”. It will weird them out and shut them up. Then walk away without saying anything else. (Note to self: definitely do this in the near future). They are either worrying for you, which as I have already mentioned won’t help any situation, or they are jealous. No one can know what is good for you except for you. And half the time you won’t even know until it happens. People will always want to judge you and do so on what they think the situation is. Which makes complete sense since they have lived your life and no everything about you…

So bottom line. Just live. Live and do stuff that makes you happy. Surround yourself with people that make you happy. Don’t apologize for it and don’t feel like you owe anyone an explanation. Tell them to live their own lives, and to do it happily. Like a boss.

Bitches be Cray

Look at me all slackin’ and stuff. Whoopsie. It’s those 55 hour work weeks. My typical day goes like this:

6:00: Start the 30-45 minutes alarm clock snooze fest
6:40: Finally get up feed Tim and myself and get ready
8:30-4 Intern
4-5 Work out
5-5:30 Voicetrack
6:00 Walk TIm

And then do something that doesn’t require much effort like Skype or whining to Archana (or catch up on ABC Family shows because let’s face it, they just get me).

So there is your much wanted update on my life schedule currently. Also, I am no longer an island, or at least not a desert island. (I have taken like a 30 minute break while writing this and I don’t even want to finish it because I am lazy…but I WILL!) Had you told me that I would be in a relationship with someone from my past a couple of months ago, I would not have been surprised. Had you told me it would be with an ex from high school I would have laughed right in your face for a good 5 minutes and possibly peed myself at your hilarity. But here we are. Life is so strange I don’t even pretend to understand how it gets where it gets anymore. But, if you know me you know that I go with my gut and I try not to think twice about it. I like to go with my instincts and trust my feelings. It has never really ended successfully but you know that old saying “It is better to regret the things you did than the things you didn’t do”? That is how I try to live my confusing little life.

And trust me, if I have learned anything in the last month, it is that people LOVE to put their two cents in on stuff that they know nothing about. Oh you dated my boyfriend once? Cool. Oh he has a past? NO WAY! I thought that he just emerged from a 28 year cocoon. Oh, it didn’t work out back in the day and you were often hurt by him back then? Okay, this one is valid. But, that was also 10 years ago, and while I do not believe that people necessarily change, I think we grow. I think if we didn’t grow we would kind of be a waste. I know that I am not the same person I was when I was 16. Had you told me that I would grow up into a lady who doesn’t give a shit what most people think about her, who marches to her own drum, loves having her own voice, and sticks up for herself too often, I would have told you that was never possible. I have significantly more confidence. I am not one to get walked all over any more. Which is why when people write internet comments it makes it so hard for me not to be snarky. But then I remember that they live their lives behind the power of a keyboard. Or by pretending they know anything about me when in fact we have never met. It just boggles my mind that other girls can tell me how a relationship with someone else is going to go or what type of person someone is, especially when they don’t realize that I am not some new chick on the block. And even if I was, get on with your life. BItches be cray. Seriously. I did not realize there were so many crazy girls out in the world. It seems like they don’t get crazy  until a break up or a new girl comes around. Then that switch flips. Wahhhhh.

The same reason I love social media is the same reason I hate it. And a  lot of it has to do with that. It’s easier to remember that everyone has a past when you can literally scroll through it. I could see every happy moment that someone has had with various partners for the past 8 years. 8 YEARS. You know that exes exist, but you just assume that  they are hated and forgotten. When you have Facebook you can see them and all the la la happy moments had with them. Then they become this tangible memory that you are a part of, even though you weren’t there. Same with old friends too.  And again on Facebook, people think they can weigh in on anything. Basically why I deleted everyone I don’t really talk too.

I really, honestly don’t care what anyone thinks about the choices I make in life, especially when it involves my romantic life. Live and let learn. The only way I ever learn things is by being thrown into situations and making mistakes. So, get off of your high horses people and stop thinking you know everything about everyone. Stop wishing the worst for people. And also, stop wishing the worst for yourself. Stop making mountains out of mole hills. Sometimes life is going to get hard. Suck it up. In the words of my new favorite band the Avett Brothers, “Make sure when you run, you run to something, not away from”. I am a runner from. I always try to run away from my issues, but trust me, the only way to get rid of them is to face them. Rather it be work, school, love, money.

This post probably makes no sense, mainly because I don’t like including names and situations. And because you know, I keep taking breaks to eat my giant pickle and stare out of the window. So to summarize: Stoppp being crazy assholes and assuming you know everything about everyone and can predict the future. You, and other people, just might surprise you.